This ain't yo mama's profile

As I've discussed in previous posts, most modern day dating seems to take place online (or via a mobile app).  For any of these websites, users are required to fill out an online profile.  There are some general stats such as your height, age, hair and eye color, if you're a smoker, have kids, etc.  Then there's a section where you free write a blurb about yourself, what you're looking for, your interests, etc.  Some people put a lot of effort into these write-ups.  I met a guy once who told me he researched what to put in a winning dating profile.  Seems overkill to me.  Especially when he didn't add up to what he presented.  His physical stats and pics were accurate, but he was kind of a dick when it came to personality.

I've tried to put a decent effort into my blurb hoping that I represent myself correctly so that there's no surprises when we meet.  I've even had friends read it over and they thought it sounded exactly like my personality.  So I think I did fairly well with mine.

Alternatively there are those who put no effort in whatsoever.  They'll simply write "ask me" or a random series of letters and #'s to fill the section.  Most of the time I don't interact with these guys cause if you can't put the effort into a one time self description, then I don't want to waste time on you.


As I've been at the grueling online dating game for some time, I've seen a few "interesting" profiles.  I'll share some screenshots with you below and point out some of the amazing things guys have actually said online in the search for "love"; in any sense of the word.

This charmer just puts it right up front.  Only fun times for this chap.  And apparently some shopping!  But he doesn't say if he'll be paying for the shopping which is a bit of a downer.  I'm not looking for casual, especially if he's not paying for the shopping.  I'll pass.

Well I suppose if they're just "best mates" then why does it have to be a secret?  And he's definitely impressing me by saying he's cheated on his wife in the first week of living there.  Sounds like a real keeper! Oh and added bonus that he lists "sex" as one of his interests.

This next guy...... so on one hand he has sex, love, and love and cooking listed as his interests.  For me that's already a no.  If you list sex in your "interests," I'm kinda creeped out and think you're just trying to hook up.  Then there's that weird little comment about watching this grow and chickens.  Um..... what?  Does he know the chicken dude I meet at speed dating?  Also his lack of punctuation and grammar really grates on me.  No CAPS!  Too many nopes for me.

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Where do I even begin with this guy?  HE wants to be a mistress.  High heels, stockings.... I mean hey to each their own but um.... looking for a chick to be a mistress for on a standard dating site?  There are specialty sites for that.  Clubs even where you can go and get into this.  I can tell you that there's no way in hell I'm messaging this guy.  Def NOT what I'm looking for!

So this guy starts out ok with his "About Me" descriptions.  Then he starts saying he spends more time on a woman's body than on his own.  So right away you know what he's here for.  You might then notice that under his "Interests" he lists sex.  Why do guys do that?  Again reinforcing why he's here.  Oh and did you happen to read the stats?  Notice that under Marital Status he has LIVING TOGETHER!!!  WTF?!  But he says nothing about this person he's living with in his description.  Come on now dude!

Again, another one "just looking for fun times" and with "sex" listed as an interested.  Sigh......

Are you noticing a pattern here?

The guy below has actually been on the sites for years. Sadly I know this because so have I. 😩 His photo looks like a real estate or work picture (which I won't post for anonymity). So he mentions an interest in "spar" baths. I'm sure he meant spa baths (for the non-Aussies that's a hot tub). Then again maybe he likes violent bath fights.  Like maybe there's a gladiator version of bathing.  Really it could go either way. But then he goes on to say he has "a healthy sexual appitite" and throws in that he has an anal fetish. Well that's just putting it right out there isn't it. Does he not want to get to know the girl first before hitting her with his anal affinity? I mean I guess if its that important to him, blurt it right out. But I think he's gonna get a lot of chicks skipping over his profile. Oh and then there's his final comment about piercings and tats. You don't put stickers on a Maserati, but you would on a shitbox. Classy.
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What can I say about this dude.  First off there's his interests.  Sure he has "sex" written like many other losers before him.  But then he also has "soul searching and belly button picking."  I feel like that came from some weird poem.  Is he searching for souls in people's belly buttons?  Is he searching his own or someone else's?  Does he want someone to search his?  Is he looking for more than lint in there?  And then there's "going to the toilet.".........Um.........yeah.......I really don't even know what to say to that.  Does he have a shitting fetish?
Now moving on to his About Me section.  Like most guys he wants an active gal, but you don't have to be a gym junkie you just have to be active "in the bedroom."  Charmer.  Oh but there's a caveat!  Apparently he'd prefer a "6.5ft tall, blonde, blue-eyed Aryan Third Reigh Goddess."  You know just your normal everyday run of the mill girl.  But hey, he's "flexible on this."
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This guy is a real winner.  He's "in a relationship but completely bored."  So instead of just talking to his partner/girlfriend and either working it out or ending things, he'd rather just cheat on her.  Totes makes sense.  😒  But wait, there's a special treat for you. "Special Piercings!!!"  Yeah!  I'm assuming this is either a tongue piercing or a Prince Albert or some variation.  For those of you not in the know, a Prince Albert piercing is a piercing through the head of the penis.  No idea what makes men want to get this piercing but then there are chicks that get their clit pierced, so who knows.  I really like how he adds at the end of his bio that he's "not going to lie like some of the other guys on here."  Um, hello!!! What about the girlfriend you're cheating on and lying to?!  Next!

Now this one is the only one I've seen that's an ad for two dudes looking to "share" a girl.  Not your everyday ad.  They don't go into specifics such as whether they're looking for a threesome or just a girlfriend type chick for them to both date.  Nor does the main dude describe the second guy.  So you're left not entirely knowing what exactly they want.  Expect it's def not anything I want.  Good luck to them though.

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So there you have a small sampling of some of the shit that's out there.  And yet I'm still single.  I know, right?  How is that even possible with such amazing men to choose from?  Sigh...... Yeah this is the current dating world.  It is whole heartily depressing and the main reason I ask everyone I know if they know anyone they can set me up with - someone who has been pre-vetted.  Because this is what I have to choose from!!  So those of you who are in a relationship or married.... feel lucky.  Feel very very lucky.

Does height matter?

It just gets awkward when the dude is too short

Of course we're all supposed to be nonjudgmental people and not evaluate others on looks and superficial shit like that.  But let's be honest, it ALWAYS plays a part.  Its not everything, but looks and general physical characteristics matter.  Don't get me wrong, I've met ho-hum looking guys who's attractiveness went up when matched with their great personality.  And on the flip side, I've met gorgeous guys who became less attractive when their cocky dickheadedness was revealed.

Someone sure loves himself

I think everyone has their physical deal breakers that they can't get past or that they tend to get hung up on about another person.  For example I have issues with people with bad teeth.  It really grosses me out when someone has funky teeth - particularly black teeth.  Crooked teeth are also a turn off but its the black teeth that skeeze me out.  I'm also generally anti-back hair; unless the guy keeps that shit in check.  That is NOT an area to let run free.  One must always always manscape the back.

                                    

Other people won't date gingers, bald dudes or people of particular ethnicities.  I'd say my one absolute deal breaker for a physical trait is height.  I just can't date a short dude.  I've done it once before.  He was about 5'5" and I'm 5'10", but he was also insanely hot.  It was still awkward though.  It's not so much about the guy as it it about me.  I'm self-conscious about my height and towering over people.  Girls are supposed to be little and cute and have the ability to be tossed around like a bag of chips.  You can't do that at 5'10".  Plus I like the feeling that if needed, the guy could protect and defend me.  If he's smaller than me, I don't get that feeling.  I know its an archaic mentality but it's just how I feel.  Plus I want to be able to wear heels and not tower over the guy.

So when going through guys' online profiles, I will dismiss them based on height alone.  They could be the nicest guy in the world, super good looking, have an adorable puppy, but if he's under 5'10" it's an automatic nope.  In reality I'd prefer 6' or over.  Does this exclude a large number of men for me? Yup.  Could I be missing out on some great guys.  Highly likely.  But I just can't do it.  It bothers me too much when the dude is shorter than me.  Any other tall women out there who feel the same way?

From the movie "Up For Love" - a french film about a tall woman dating a short man.  I highly recommend it!!

Casper the Unfriendly Ghost

Apparently in this day and age, many adult men have reverted back to school age behavior when it comes to dating.  I'm not talking about pass a note where you have to check yes or no, or even going so far back as to push you on the playground and runaway when they're interested in you.  I'm talking about not being man enough to handle how to properly end a relationship even in the early stages in a proper manner.  Instead they act like high schools boys and play games with your emotions.




The one I've gotten probably the most these days is "ghosting."  This is when the guy takes the very mature route and let's you know they're not longer interested in a relationship with you of any kind by simply disavowing your very existence.  It can come without warning too.  Things can be going along just fine, when all of a sudden you're waiting for days to get a response to your text.  You send another.  Try Facebook messenger.  Call and get voicemail.  In return you get ...... crickets.  Nothing.  Zilch.  The man has become a ghost.  You have been ghosted.

Apparently he thinks you'd like to just go through the agony of figuring it out on your own -however long it takes you to put together- that he doesn't want to see you anymore and won't ever talk to you again.
 

 

The other fun game some will play is the fine art of "breadcrumbing".  This is when the guy will keep talking to you however there will be longs gaps in between conversations.  He is giving you just enough attention to make you think he's still interested while making no further commitment.  It's the classic case of being lead on only to amount to nothing.  Sure some guys are crap with communication if they're not physically with you.  Some aren't "phone" guys.  But this is just enough to keep you hooked without actually delivering anything.  How is a girl meant to know when it's time to cut and run?  Every time she gets the point where she thinks, "ok that's it, I'm over this crap," ....*bing* here comes a text from him.  And she's reeled back in again.  She ate up another breadcrumb.

You tell 'em Michael!

Now you might think I've just had a bad run of it.  Maybe I've only been out with douchey guys.  There can't be many out there that are that bad.  Well let me tell you, I only wish that were the case.  I've known many women who've had both of these bullshit and childish games played on them.  Why is acceptable behavior?  Why do guys insist on reverting back to high school boys who don't have the balls to tell you they don't want to see you anymore?  Yes it sucks to have to crush someone with that kind of bad news.  It hurts for the recipient and some times for the person doing it, but in the end its the right thing to do.  Everyone deserves to not have games played with them particularly when it comes to the heart.  Why can't these men grow a pair and act like actual men?

I even called a guy out for doing it, blowing me off at random without a word.  He eventually admitted he was being a coward.  I pointed out to him that we're not longer in high school and that I warranted more respect than that.  Being that he's in his 40's, he's also plenty old enough to know better.

How are we women meant to deal with this kind of behavior?  How do we defend against it?  Is there an actual way?  I'm open to any an all suggestions anyone has.  I've gone so far as to call a few guys out on it when they ghosted me.  Even reminded them that we're no longer in high school and they should respect me enough to at least give me the courtesy of telling me what's up.  A girl can take only so much.

If only it were that simple

This chick sums it up pretty well