To Pay or Not to Pay

It has come up recently regarding a date I was going on as to whether the guy is responsible for picking up the tab on a date. In 2013, where does society stand on this age old situation?

We've had women's lib and women who want to be treated equal.  In the workplace, in the home, in society as a whole.  But what does that do for dating?  Are women meant to do the chasing now?  Do we wait the prescribed 3 days before calling a guy?   Do we hold the door for him?  Pull his chair out?  It's kind of confusing for us women so I can only imagine what it's like for guys.

This bitch ruined it for the rest of us!!

Part of the problem is that it can be different depending on the woman you're with.  Some prefer to not be treated like a delicate flower and are quite proud they've earned their own money and therefore want to pay their own way.  Others want the whole shebang of being wined and dined with car doors opened, chairs pulled out and men to pick up the tab.  Then there's also the connotation that if you expect the man to pay for things that you're a gold digger.  So where does that leave us?

 

Personally, I prefer going more old school.  I want a man to hold the door to the building open for me and let me go through first.  Car doors are optional.  He doesn't need to pull out my chair and I prefer he not order my food for me, unless it means one of us has to leave the table to do it (this happens at some restaurants in Australia where you don't order at the table but at a counter, and not fast food).  I also think the man should pick up the tab for things, especially food and drinks.  Activities I'm open to paying my own way.  But if we go out to eat, even if I was the one who asked him out, he should still pay.  I mean that's what my grandpas would have done so why can't this dude?  Now I'm not saying I'd never offer to pick up a tab every now and then.  I certainly do.  Often I feel guilty if they guy has been paying for things all day and it's totaled up to quite an amount.  I did it recently after the guy had paid for our dinner the night before which was really expensive, then ice cream afterwards.  We met up again the next day and he paid for lunch and a few rounds of beers.  I then offered to pay for dinner that night as he'd been paying for everything else up until that point.  Is that a bad thing?  Was it emasculating to do that?  I feel like I look like a money hungry mooch or gold digger if I don't at least offer to pay.  Even if I'm hoping he says no to my offer.  But if I say nothing I feel like an ass.

Have manners really become that old fashioned?

So what's the protocol?  Why has this become such an issue?  And why does it seem that general manners have gone out the window as well?  Is it really that hard to hold a door open for me and allow me to walk through it first?  Or to help me carry my bags or offer to pick up the heavy thing?  I have (sadly) dated men who seemed to be a bit daft at this concept.  Which boggles the mind because their parents aren't like that.  Their dads were chivalrous and knew how to treat a woman.  So what was wrong with their sons?

Grandpa knew how to treat a lady

I know I've gone all over the place with this post from general manners to who pays but really, they kind of go together.  So what am I supposed to do or expect in the current dating world?  Or is it a crap shoot and I can't expect anything, but have to take the gamble with each new date?

We need more men like this

This is exhausting.