On your mark, get set ....... DATE!!!!

"Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion."  

- Scott Adams

  

Movies, tv....just about all popular media outlets have explored the strange world of speed dating.  If for some strange reason you don't know what it is cause you've been living under a rock, basically a room full of women sit down solo at different tables that are spread out around the room.  Usually it's in some sort of circular pattern to easily maneuver from one woman to the next.  Then the men come in the room and each sit at a table across from one of the women.  The person in charge rings a bell which starts your (typically) 5 minute long date.  When the bell is rung again, the men get up and move to the next table.  So you're having several mini dates in one evening.  This goes on until everyone in the room has "had a date" with everyone else.  Hence the "speed" dating.  Make sense?

Probably one of the most well known examples of speed dating in film is from 40 Year Old Virgin.  Unfortunately that scene also ruined my name for life.

Speed dating always intrigued me.  Could you actually find someone through a 5 minute date?  Does anyone worth my time go to these things?  At the very least I figured I'd get some good stories out of it.  So when I saw a flyer advertising two speed dating sessions on the bulletin board at the university, I figured I'd take down the info and see what it was about.

The speed dating was broken into two sessions, a week apart.  The first session was the 35+ crowd.  The second was 22+.  Being as I am currently 35, that put me right in the middle of the two packs.  I wasn't looking to date someone my dad's age nor was I wanting to go out with someone I could have almost given birth to.  So I called the number listed on the flyer and explained my predicament to the women running the speed dating.  She said that I could go to both as it was different each session as far as what age groups showed up.  The night we spoke on the phone was the first session and the older group.  So I figured, what the hell.

Well let me just say, as I looked around during the cocktail opener, prospects looked rather dim.  The dudes who were there were older, heavier and less attractive than I was hoping.  There was however one guy who looked promising and by that time I'd already gotten there and paid the $40 entry fee so I had to suck it up and go through with it. 

And so it began.

Although I had little to no interest in any of the men there, I was still polite and pretended to be interested in what they had to say.  I mean we were all putting ourselves out there and it was a nerve wracking experience. The event administrator didn't have a bell to ring so she simply banged a spoon against a glass as our signal for the men to move on to the next woman.  The first man who sat in front of me was a tire fitter with a teenage son.  Older, balding, fat.  Many of the men were like this.  I felt like I wasted a good outfit and make up that night.  Next! 

Yes I know, I was at the 35+ night so what was I really expecting.  The session didn't have an age cap so really an 80 year old man could have shown up as a potential suitor.  But I was still hoping for better options.  What struck me about the men who were there though was their general lack of manners.  You might be fat, grey haired and a slob but I'm still going to politely introduce myself and offer to shake your hand.  Most of these guys skipped right over that.  Instead they tried to read the name tag on your shirt and check you off on the comment cards we were all given to write notes about our "dates".  What happened to "Hi, my name is....." and a handshake? Same thing happened when the administrator would "ring" the bell to signal the men to change women.  No, "nice meeting you" or "thanks for the chat", nothing.  They'd just get up and walk to the next woman.  Really?  I thought the older generations were supposed to have better manners and understand chivalry.  Apparently not up here in Cairns.

Not all the men were old, fat guys.  Some were down right bizarre.  One guy looked like a homely, skinny Mr Clean.  Complete with the earring.  Instead of sitting across from me like the rest of the men, he chose to move so he was sitting right next too me.  Felt a bit too intimate for a speed date.  He informed me that he also loves animals and has five pets himself.  He then proceeded to name them off, "Oreo, Honey, Licorice....."  Oh did I forget to mention that these "pets" of his were chickens?  Yes, the man has five chickens and has named them all.  Next!!

My final "date" was the one I thought had the most potential.  He was the only guy my age and wasn't too bad looking either.  He sat down and we politely introduced each other.  Then we just sat there.  I was waiting for him to say something.  He opened with, "I'm not very good with conversations."  Um, really?  After talking to eight other women you can't come up with a single opener other than that?  So I asked him what he liked to do for fun.  He listed a few of the normal things and DJing music.  He also said he likes to go camping and bush walking by himself.  That he likes to go off by himself away from everyone else because, as he said, "I don't really like people."  Right.  You don't like people?  Then what are you doing at speed dating?  And why are you looking for a girlfriend?  We still had several minutes left to the "date" so I had to keep talking to him.  I asked him where some of his favorite camping spots were.  I kid you not, this is what he said:

"Ah, I've made that mistake before.  I can't tell you.  Because if I tell you, you'll tell people and then they'll start going to those spots and they'll become their favorite spots.  And then I'll have to find new spots to go to."

Yeah.  That's how my evening ended.  "I don't really like people."  Yup.  So that was my introduction to speed dating.  Not sure if it's worth going again.  At least no one called me "Gyna".